“I’ve had many a day where the mundane-ness of regular life makes me cry out “BIG-TIME LAME!” in the middle of class/work/dinner/dates. Then I get really grumpy and pouty and no one wants to be around me ‘cause I keep mumbling under my breath about how I NEVER get to go on magical adventures and giants never come and say “LOLZ surprise! You’re a wizard!” and I never get to wield a lightsaber (or a sword) and I just want a pet unicorn and eventually I get so upset that I can’t think of a good place to end my incredibly long, ridiculously whiny sentences and then grammar Nazis are like, “You are composed entirely out of fail,” and then I cry.”
Yep. That sounds about right. I stumbled upon this quote while on sparknotes. You know its very unkind of sparknotes to post all these distractions on their website while I am trying to write a paper on something I’ve never read. Lately I’ve felt a bit like I’m having to dog paddle my way through this sea of responsibility and decision. I’ve got all these papers I have to write and finals and I’m trying to figure out stuff for England and I need to make all these deadlines and I dont know what I’m going to do next fall and I’m not getting enough hours at work and I’m trying to find a second job and I keep getting sick and I have all this running through my head and I just want to come up for air for second. PAUSE. I just want a break. I know I should be all like “YAY Christmas!” but christmas is just reminding me how broke I am and how much I have to worry about. I’m almost finished at GGC (going there was the worst decision) and then I will do a quarter at Perimeter (probably another bad decision). Lost doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. Stuck is a better word. Trapped maybe. Suffocating. Buried alive… that might be a bit dramatic. I’ve decided to go to England in April, but if I’m honest, its doubtful I will have made enough money by then. Of course that never stopped me before. God has always provided at the last second. And I trust him. I think what is frustrating me the most is that I dont want to go away for just a few months. I want to stay away. I’m ready for my adventure to start and college is not much of an adventure. I want to start brand new, somewhere new, and make new mistakes instead of being stuck with all the old ones. I want to fly away. But for now all I can do is keep breathing…. PLAY.