I am revising my story for class. I will revise my story for class tomorrow. I should have revised my story for class yesterday. I need to revise my resume. I am in the process of revising my cover letter for graduate school applications. I have revised this blog post four times. I should revise it again, because there are probably still typos. She revises again. She should revise her sleeping schedule. Perhaps she should consider revising her life. My life is a revision. Revisions of decisions as TS Eliot would say.
Lately (like in the last week or so), I’ve been living somewhere in between feeling so lucky and blessed about my life right now and feeling so trapped and restless to the point of near detonation. I blame spring break for this sudden mid-semester crisis. My spring break consisted of me studying, working, revising, and figuring out my way around a graduate school application. I’m not complaining. A break is a break, and I’m thankful for it. But it gave me way too much time to think about things, and when I think about things I start to overthink which leads to the moody, fidgety state that I currently find myself in. I despise my heart for being fickle in this way. It makes it very hard to stay focused. For instance, I am trying to complete this big revision for my senior creative writing class. There are all these steps I have to do and little nit-picky things I have to fix, and you guys, I’m so bored of my story. I cannot tell a lie. This is how my writing usually goes: I write a story until it’s out of me, and then I never look at it again. When I go back and read something I’ve written in the past, I cringe. This is probably true of a lot of writers (or pseudo-writers, as I consider myself). Wasn’t there some famous writer that burned all his work because he hated it? That’s totally me. But, anyways, revisions. I’m learning that it is very neccessary to go back and take a second look at something, or a third, fourth, and twelfth look (there’s a life lesson in there somewhere, I just know it). I’m learning how to evolve and improve. But oh my god, it hurts sometimes.
On a totally different note, healthy cooking has been my therapy and stress reliever lately, so I thought I’d share it with you really quick. I love food and I also love feeling good, but sometimes the two things don’t fit well together. Because sometimes, I stand in front of the freezer with a spoon in my hand and eat out of all the cartons of ice cream. Or more commonly, I eat half a jar of peanut butter in one sitting. It’s bad news. So over the last four months or so I’ve done some major clean eating changes. I’ve learned to love tofu and I go gluten, dairy, and meat free when I can. Agave and almond milk are my best friends and quinoa is my boyfriend. It’s wonderful. (Also if you are considering veganism as a lifestyle choice, watch Vegucated on Netflix. It will push you over the edge.) . Here is a recipe that came out of my kitchen recently.
Blueberry Banana Bread
This recipe is loosely based off of this one from Bring It To The Table.
Here’s my version:
1/4 cup of sugar
2 tblsp Agave (or honey)
2 tblsp earth balance
2 egg whites
1/4 cup applesauce
2 ripe bananas
Blend that stuff together first with a beater/ninja/your hands
Mix this stuff together:
3/4 cup flour
1/2 cup brown rice flour (or almond/coconut/whole wheat/regular)
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
Then mix it all up and add:
3/4-1 cup fresh or frozen blueberries
Grease Pan. Bake for 45-50 minutes at 350 F.
I put the info in one of those calorie calculator things (God bless the internet) and it put it at just under 100 calories a slice. It was yummy and I love recipes with applesauce subsitutes. This bread was so good. And this is coming from the girl who hates bananas. Also it got the roommate’s fiance seal of approval, which is saying a lot because he is a wee bit picky. (A lot bit picky).
So there you go, a two for the price of one post for you. I’m going to be intermittently baking vegan recipes and writing revisions and looking up plane tickets to Istanbul (seriously, every five minutes). Tomorrow I dive back into school and I wont be able to think any more. I’ll turn in my revision and it will be deemed acceptable and fine, but not brilliantly innovative. I’ll finish my graduate school applications and I’ll get adequately good references from my teachers. I’ll decide I’m a vegetarian this month, and then next month I’ll eat steak twice a week. This year will continue on as it has. I’ll do maymester and summermester and fall semester, and I’ll write about it along the way. And in the back of my mind I’ll know that I’m in this constant state of revision. Sometimes I’ll love the change, sometimes it’ll be so hard, and sometimes it’ll be incredibly boring, but it’ll be fine, I think. Maybe someday it’ll be brilliant? Or maybe I’ll finally learn how to embrace the goodness of what I have right now. (There’s the life lesson.)