I don’t know what I did with my list of New Year’s resolutions for 2014. Probably it’s somewhere tucked away in my bedroom at my parents’ house. I know I made one, because I always make one. I’m addicted to lists and checking things off of lists. But I’m also addicted to chaos and unpredictability so a lot of things don’t get done and other things happen that were never planned.
I always have some of the same things written on my list every year. Run a half marathon. Read all the books on my bookshelf. Fall in love with something/someone/someplace.
And I never seem to get around to doing them.
This year has been the most uncertain year I have ever lived. Nothing got done, but everything happened. My steps were shaky and the ground was unsteady as I picked up and moved across the world, then went back and did it all again. I had a quiet voice that didn’t speak up enough and a fickle heart that refused to fall in love in the right way.
In 2014 I was a mess, but you know what, in 2013 I was a mess too. Why is it that at the start of every new year, we think that this will be the year we’ll suddenly find our way? I don’t think I accomplished any of the things on my list for 2014. I did not become a runner. I didn’t read all of the books in my bookcase. And I did not fall in love in the way that I meant it when I wrote it down a year ago.
However, a year has gone by and I am different, but also the same. I write less, but dance more. I eat too much chocolate, and I walk everywhere. I don’t shower enough and I make too many lists. I talk too much or not at all. This year I asked more questions. I sought peace and freedom. I stood up for myself once (I should do that more). In 2014 I didn’t fall in love, I found it. Again and again. Through every person and place that crammed itself into my heart. This year, like every year, was the year I changed and also didn’t.
I’m a little nervous to make resolutions for 2015, but I probably still will because how else will I keep track of all the things I don’t do?
But here’s a little flash back of some of the things I did do in 2014.
Moved to Beirut, Lebanon
Read (and loved) The Road by Cormac Mccarthy
Traveled to Jordan, Macedonia, Albania, Turkey, California, and London
Binge watched Gilmore Girls, Parks and Rec, and Sherlock on Netflix.
Ripped my favorite pair of pants and my friend got it on video.
Got matching tattoos with my sister
Loved every second with my family and friends
Watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s for the first time. Did not get the hype.
Ate more crepes than I want to admit.
Moved to Suhareke, Kosovo (and LOVE IT here)
Stopped keeping track of the time as it passed.
Happy New Year!